Do You Love Yourself?

I've stopped taking my medication for about a week now and i've noticed that I love myself again. It feels good. I feel like how I felt before i was bipolar. My medication tended to make me really timid and worried about what other people thought about me. Thats not how i want to live life. I'm not an expert on self love, but i think that its super important if you want to be happy. I think my self love comes from the inner strength and confidence that i feel when i'm off my medication. I don't feel manic I just feel an inner peace. I've always had this gut feeling inside me that we're better off without our medication and i think i'm now starting to feel it. I think the medication kills our inner beauty. It might make us better able to function in society but what is that worth if you can't feel happy and strong. Sounds like slavery to me.

Sleeping problems: Its been difficult to sleep at times without the medication, but not impossible. I bought some calming CDs like "Ocean Waves" and "Forest Sounds" which have helped me sleep. Personally, I can't sleep because my mind obsessively thinks about situations, but when I focus my attention on the calming sounds of the CDs then my mind can relax and i can fall asleep. I also find that it helps to eat something before bed.

Hope you're feeling well

www.depressiondodging.com

Its Important to Work if You Can

Hey guys, hope you're doing well. Stupid google doesn't let me sign into blogger for some reason so I can't blog as much as i'd like. I've had it rough for the past little while. Unfortunately the medication doesn't help all the time. I have however been going to the gym pretty regularly and its does help.

I'm doing some courses right now to become a personal trainer. My exam is in about a week so wish me luck. It seems like a good job and you don't have to go to school for very long to get certified. It could potentially be fulfilling to help people improve their lives plus personal trainers earn a pretty good hourly rate. Its also an in demand job because more people are concerned with their fitness these days so its probably not too difficult to find a job. It might be something you guys would want to look into if you're unemployed and don't know what to do.

I've been unemployed for a while and it makes me feel kind of worthless (poor too). I think its important that we work if we can. It gives you something to do and makes you feel important. When you're busy you're either happy or too busy to realize you're unhappy. I'm also in the process of applying for disability just in case. I want to work if i can, but I want to have a safety net just in case I can't do it or can't find a job. You never know whats going to happen and i don't want to end up on the street.

http://www.depressiondodging.com/

Back on Meds

I had a good couple of days off of meds and then I crashed yesterday. I just hated myself and wanted to die. It was torture. It feels good to actually feel calm again. Its dangerous to go off your medication when you're bipolar, but I just can't help myself sometimes. Medication can make us feel lethargic sometimes and that gets annoying but if it wasn't for the medication, I and some of you, would probably be dead right now.

Hope you're feeling well

http://www.depressiondodging.com/

We're Sensitive

We're more sensitive to stimuli than other people. Any little thing can make us depressed or manic. You can use this to your advantage by filling your head with positives and avoiding negatives when possible.

- Hang out more with people who make you feel loved

- Read something positive/empowering when you get up in the morning

- Get some exercise

Personally, I think mania is more of a gift than a curse even though your doctor probably makes you feel like its bad to be manic. When i'm manic I get great ideas, I feel a deep love for people who care about me, I feel no anxiety, I get so much done. Fill your head with positives on a regular basis and you'll be manic more often than you're depressed.

- If you're lonely, learn more about attraction and dating

- If you're pessimistic, try a self help book

- If you have issues dealing people, check out "How To Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie

Whatever your issues or insecurities are there are books out there for you

I've been off of my medication for about 3 days now. Its so nice to feel excited, confident and energetic again. I do a lot of reading to stay positive and it helps a lot.

Hope you're feeling well

http://www.depressiondodging.com/

What Do I Do When The Meds Stop Working?

I'm sure the answer of the psychiatric community would be to to take more meds and force yourself to smile. The problem is that i'm starting to feel as bad on these meds as I do without them. I feel like a dead man walking. I'm sleeping 12-14 hours a day and don't feel awake the other 10-12 hours of the day. Everything sucks. At least when i'm off the meds I get to experience some mania once in a while and actually enjoy life. When I was suicidal the meds were good for me because they kept me from killing myself. Now I think I need something else. I think what i'm missing right now is a sense purpose in life and meaningful relationships. When I was buidling this website i was happy because I was doing something that was important to me. Ever since the site has been finished I really haven't had a good reason to get up in the morning. As for a meaningful relationship I don't think that i've ever had one and i'm not sure how to go about getting one. Everyone here is normal while i'm mental; this isn't exactly a formula for love. If this was a movie some pretty brown-eyed girl would come save me from myself, but it isn't. There has got to be a better way than these zombie pills and i'm gonna try to find it.

Hope you're feeling well

http://www.depressiondodging.com/

How to Stick to Treatment

One of the biggest problems with trerating bipolar disorder is that about 50% of patients don't stick to the treatment. This includes patients who stop taking their medication, don't take their medication properly, stop going to therapy or stop doing things that make you feel better. Whats important is that you stick to treatment and one way of doing that is by looking at the advantages and disadvantages of treatment.

Go here for an example of how to look at the advantages and disadvantages of treatment:

www.depressiondodging.com/depressioncuressttp.html

Hope you're feeling well

Dealing with Irritability with CBT

Hey everyone, been getting a lot better at dealing with irritability lately. I think most of you would agree that it isn't fun (for you or people around you) to be irritable. I've recently learned a lot about cognitive behavioral therapy and I think that you could easily learn to do the therapy on yourself.

Here is a page I added to the website that teaches you how to change your irritable thoughts and behaviors to more useful thoughts and behaviors:

www.depressiondodging.com/treatingbipolardisorderwithcbt.html

Hope you're feeling calm

Its Good To Have Dreams If...

1. You don't get too down when things don't work out and

2. You don't drop everything to pursue them

I've always had this tendency to drop everything and reach for the stars. The difference now that i've lived with bipolar disorder for a couple of years and am more experienced dealing with my manic thoughts is that i'm more careful. I realize that some of my ideas are unrealistic and that i'm not likely to succeed, but i still really enjoy pursuing them. This time i'm not gonna drop everything, destroy what i've built and start over. I'm gonna pursue my dream on the side as a hobby while still working on my websites and blogs. I'm not gonna put all my eggs in one basket like I used to.

Right now I just really wanna see how hard i can throw a baseball. Baseball is always on tv these days and watching it just makes me wanna go out and play. So when its nice out i'm gonna be going outside and throwing at the park beside my house. I'm gonna be doing pitcher specific workouts and eating super healthy so I can get stronger and my body can recover faster. Its never a bad idea to get outside and its never a bad idea to workout so now i have a reason to.

Hope you're feeling well

http://www.depressiondodging.com/

Being More Present Can Make U More Calm, Confident and Happier

I've been working on being more present for the last week. I learned about presence from Travis Decker and Bryan Bayer of the Authentic Man Program. There is a similar program for woman called The Authentic Woman Experience. My social interactions have been a lot more interesting anf fulfilling lately. I've felt more calm and confident in public and in social situations. SO what is presence you ask?

Being present is basically being aware of what is going on around you and the feelings in your body. Its the opposite of being "in your head". For example, if you're speaking to someone your attention is on them, how they make you feel, how they're feeling, what they're saying, how they look, the environment around you, etc. Your attention is not on worrying about what they think of you, or worrying about what to say next, or worrying about screwing up, etc.

When you're present you're in the moment. You're not thinking about your past or worrying about the future. Youre bringing yourself fully to every interaction, every decision and every situation. You're honest with yourself and others about what you want and who you are.

Being more present will improve your mood, make you feel more relaxed and allow you to enjoy the little things in life more. The Authentic Man Program and The Authentic Woman Experience are designed to help you with dating and relationships, but they can improve all aspects of your life. You can find links to these programs here:

www.depressiondodging.com/curesfordepressionloveandsex.html

Hope you're feeling well

http://www.depressiondodging.com/

Diet Plays a Role in Bipolar Disorder

New research suggests that sugar, caffeine and poor diet can increase the mood swings in bipolar disorder. A good balances diet, taking vitamins (omega-3s, magnesium, vitamin B) and reducing caffeine and sugar intake helps to reduce the frequency and intensity of mood swings. Doctors usually just suggest medication and therapy without inquiring about diet, but you can help yourself by eating better.

Some good foods to eat are fish, chick, beans, nuts ,eggs, seeds, fruits and vegetables.

You can learn more about vitamins for depression here:

www.depressiondodging.com/vitaminsfordepression.html

You can read the original article here:

www.medicalnews.com/articles/224447.php

Hope you're feeling well

http://www.depressiondodging.com/

Learning to Identify Your Manic Thoughts

I think that you can learn to identify your manic thoughts through experience. I hear about a lot of young people with bipolar disorder who don't want to take their medication and are self-destructive, but many of the older people i've met with the illness have settled down to a decent job and a normal life. I think they've learned to identify their manic thoughts and have more reasonable expectations in life. For me, my manic thoughts often tell me to go off my medication and pursue really far-fetched dreams. I am now learning to recognize these thoughts as unrealistic and staying on my current path. My manic thoughts will tell me to drop everything i'm doing and pursue rock stardom, or artistic fame, or poker stardon and other things. For example, I was watching a UFC fight last night with some friends and I started thinking to myself how i should stop taking my medication and train to be a fighter. I was seriously wanted to do it, but then I caught myself. An inner voice said, "thats nuts, just stay on your meds and keep doing what you're doing, which is trying to help people." I don't even know how to fight at all. I often get "inspired" in these kinds of ways, but now I see these thoughts for what they are, mania; a symptom of a disease. Its good to have dreams, but its important that these dreams are reasonable. I still want to pursue art and music, but these are things i can do in my spare time. I'm spending most of time right now trying to help people with mood disorders and anxiety and i think that i'm finally satisfied with that. I'm tired of chasing my manic dreams and only ending up disappointed, frustrated and exhausted.

Hope you're feeling well

http://www.depressiondodging.com/

Exercise and Feeling Good

Started going to the gym again yesterday and it was great. I got to experience some exercise induced hypomania after my workout too. Doctors will tend to tell you that mania/hypomania is bad and you better take your medicine to keep it in check, but I think its good to feel some mania/hypomania sometimes. Its nice to know I can experience a nice high while i'm on my medication. I felt really powerful after my workout, however I did have problems sleeping as i couldn't seem to wind down at the end of the night. I'm not feeling too powerful today though as I am very sore in my upper body, but thats what happens when you're in terrible shape. Gotta look good for the summer, right?

Hope you're feeling well

http://www.depressiondodging.com/

Get A 2nd Opinion for Mood Disorders

Many people with mood disorders don't get a 2nd opinion when it comes to their diagnosis. Bipolar disorder and depession are difficult to diagnose and often difficult to tell apart. Bipolar disorder can be difficult to diagnose because patients are often highly functional and producitve and their highs can look like normal happiness. We often assume that the 1st doctor to diagnose us is correct and that doctors don't make mistakes.

Research has found that as many as 69% of initial diagnoses of people with bipolar disorder were incorrect. This can lead to bipolar patients getting the wrong medication, which can lead to deeper depressions and rapid cycles of highs and lows.

A lot of people also make the mistake of seeing a general practitioner when they should be seeing a psychiatrist for diagnosis and treatment. In my experience, GPs just don't know that much about mental illness. I had to see about 3 or 4 doctors before I got the correct diagnosis and correct medication. Only then did i start my recovery.

You can read the original article here:

http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/218993.php

Hope You're feeling well

http://www.depressiondodging.com/

Half of Bipolar Patients Suffer Work, Social, or Family Disabilities

A study was done at the University of Granada on 108 patients with bipolar disorder. The study found that 50% of patients suffer from some type of work, social, or family disability and 20% of them suffer from disability in all 3.

Difficulty in performing normal job duties is associated with recurring manic episodes, hospitalization for high-intensity episodes, depression and low education levels. Also, nicotine dependancy tends to be more disabling to patients with bipolar disorder than patients with depression.

Social disability is difficulty establishing relations out of the family and this is associated with higher hospitalization rates, episodes of depression and active depression symptoms. Its important for these patients to recieve social support.

Family disability is difficulty in having good relations with family members and its associated with hospitalization, manic episodes, depression symptoms and addiction to alcohol. Alcohol is the most abused substance in bipolar patients and its important that alcohol abuse be treated in order to improve family relations.

Personally, I think I have work and social disabilities. I'm lucky enough to have a a very supportive/understanding family but I get stressed out easily with work and often have high anxiety in/about social situations. Its important that we seek help from the government if we can't make an income on our own. Its important that we find support groups and attend them if we have problems meeting new people and maintaining relationships. Its important that we treat our substance abuse so that we can get along with those who love us and support us most.

You can see the orignal article here:

http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/221403.php

Hope you're feeling well

http://www.depressiondodging.com/

Catherine Zeta-Jones Treated for Bipolar 2 Disorder

Super hot babe and famous hollywood actress Catherine-Zerta Jones was hospitalized for a couple days and recieved treatment for bipolar 2 disorder. It is believed that her disorder was caused by the stress and trauma of dealing with her husband's (Michael Douglas) illness (throat cancer). Bipolar disorder can sometimes be causes by a traumatic event.

This totally makes sense. I'm pretty sure that my bipolar disorder was caused by traumatic events. At the end of the summer in 2008 I had 3 traumatic things happen to me at once. What they were i don't want to say. Before that I was normal, care-free and kind of an asshole. Though dealing with the illness has been very difficult I think i'm a better person now.

www.depressiondodging.com

A New Study on Bipolar Disorder

A new study on bipolar disorder done by psychologists at the Universities of Manchester and Lancaster followed 50 bipolar patients for a month. The study found that the patients' thinking and behavior predicted future mood swings. People with bipolar disorder who think they have no control over their mood or think they have to keep active to stay stable had more mood problems compared to other patients who let their moods pass as a normal reaction to stress and felt like they had control over their mood. A new form of cognitive behavioral therapy, known as TEAMS (Think Effectively About Mood Swings) is being developed at the University of Manchester. The aim of the new approach is to encourage patients to accept and manage a range of emotions like joy, anger, and fear.

This means that, despite our chemical imbalance, what we think and how we act affects our mood. So we can choose to have a positive attitude and do things that are constructive (like exercise, do art, socialize, volunteer, take our medication, etc) instead of destructive (like drink, do drugs, spend all our money, etc).

You can read the original article here:

http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/222793.php

http://www.depressiondodging.com/

Mature or Manic?

This week i have just been getting this incredible urge to stop doing what i've been doing for the past year (music, painting) and just focus on helping people with depression and bipolar disorder. I can always do those things in my spare time right? I've been trying to be a rock star and an artist, but I think i'd rather just do something more useful with my life like help people that suffer. I'm not sure whether i'm just becoming more mature or whether this sudden influx of ideas and impulse for change is me being manic. Does it really matter though? I'm gonna do it anyways.

I've been looking for places to volunteer and i'm going to start tonight with a buddy of mine who has started a group for people with mental illness where we can help eachother. I've been looking for someone to make videos with for the site and I think i've found someone. Videos will allow me to reach more people with my message. I've also found a girl who wants to help people raise their self esteem and we might do something together. Self esteem is so important for quality of life. You can't hate yourself and be happy. I think that part of the reason i've has such a strong urge for change lately is that I don't feel satisfied just doing painting and music. I need to do something more important with my life to feel good about myself. I'm also thinking about going back to school for social work. There is only so much you can do without an education.

I really look forwrd to making some videos. I've been wanting to for so long, but i just haven't had anyone to help me. Should be fun and hilarious.

Hope you're feeling well

http://www.depressiondodging.com/

Treatment for Bipoler Disorder: A Glass of Wine

I went into a rage today because my mother accidentally ruined one of my paintings. So I decided to have a glass of red wine so that i could relax and think about the situation clearly. I started drinking a glass of one this week in order to relax after work, because work is often frustrating anf makes me edgy. After I had my wine i wasn't even mad at all. I went to the store to get some paint and i felt so calm and confident. I wasn't angry and i didn't have the anxiety that i often have when being around other people. My tolernace for alcohol is pretty high so i don't think I was drunk. It just seems like it relaxes my brain enough for me to think logically about a situation. When i think about the situation now:

1. Its just a painting and i could easily make another one.

2. That painting wasn't that great and i wouldn't mind doing it over.

3. My mother has done so much for me in my life and accidents happen.

So if if you're having problems with irritablity and/or anxiety try having a glass of wine. I don't think there is anything wrong with having one glass of wine a day. Actually, i think its good for your heart.

Hope you're feeling swell

http://www.depressiondodging.com/

Beating Depression: Prison Shows

So last night I went out sober (patting myself on the back). I didn't go to the bar but i went to the pre-drink to hang out. It was kind of awkward. I forgot how uncomfortable I am in social situations when i'm sober, even around my best friends. Guess i'll just have to isolate myself and make some wicked paintings for a while. I know you're not supposed to isolate yourself when you're mentally ill, but I do see my family pretty often. Its uncomfortable with them too sometimes, but i make the effort and tough it out for them because they mean so much to me. I think i'm just meant to be a loner.

Prison shows...You know those shows on National Geographic channel where they take the cameras inside the prisons to see how life in there is really like. Well i've noticed that not only are these shows cool to watch, but they make me feel better about my life. Because no matter how worthless, hopeless, irritated I feel i still have my freedom. Those guys are locked up in there with the scum of the earth, some have life sentences. They get into fights, they get stabbed, they get raped. They spend most of their day liked in a 8x6 foot cell with nothing to do. Its so brutal. So no matter how bad I feel I know atleast i'm not in that hell hole.

Hope you're feeling well

http://www.depressiondodging.com/

Wounds Teach us Lessons

A wise man once said that

Well, i'm learning my lesson now. This is my 3rd day in a row being punished. I'm being punished for being a dumbass and i will continue to be punished as such until i stop doing the same stupid thing over and over. I can't just go out and party like a normal person. They don't have to crash and be miserable like i do after. I'm turning 27 this year and i'm still running around getting shit-faced and getting into fights. I can't just keep acting like a little boy anymore and expect my life to get better.

You know when you just wake up in the morning and everything sucks? Well thats whats been going on in my world these past few days and I deserve it. When you're bipolar you can make the mistake of thinking that you have no self-control and that isn't true. We might have less self-control than an emotionally healthy person, but it doesn't mean we don't have any. A lot of the time its our own self-destructive decisions that get us into deep shit. Are we smart enough to make good decisions? Fuck ya!

So next time something painful happens to you, don't just feel sorry for yourself, but try to learn from your mistake so that it doesn't happen again.

Hope you (and I) wake up tomorrow and everything is spectacular:)

http://www.depressiondodging.com/

Can I Stop Drinking?

The green fairy and I are breaking up for good this time

So I spent all of today suffering pretty bad. I went out drinking last night, got in a fight, yacked on my floor...same old bullshit. Didn't take my medicine last night and spent today feeling ashamed of myself and depressed. Spent a lot of today in the fetal position hating myself and feeling so dumb. This has actually been happening a lot recently after a night on the town. Whatever benefits or freedom I got from drinking or drugs before are now nonexistent. Drinking just makes me more anxious, self-conscious and depressed. I'm pretty sick of making an ass of myself. I don't even know why I keep doing it. Its like this compulsive thing that i keep doing even though i know better and even though i have to suffer every time for it. I really wanna stop now. I'm hoping that telling you will help motivate me. I do get edgy sometimes because of work, but 1 glass of wine is enough to help me chill out. Also, I wouldn't mind saving that $75-100 I usually spend on a night out and spending it on something more enjoyable like painting supplies or a day at Canada's Wonderland.

Hope you're doing well and learning from your mistakes

http://www.depressiondodging.com/

Adversity Is A Good Opportunity To Find Out Who Your True Friends Are

In our case, bipolar disorder is the adversity.

In the last couple of years that i've been diagnosed with the disorder i've had a lot of lows. Some of my friends were there for me when i needed there help and some just avoided me. Though the last couple of years have been tough and confusing I have found out who my true friends are. Number 1 on the list is my family. I spent my teenage years trying to separate myself from them, but now i'm trying to bring myself closer. I have learned that nobody loves me more than them and they stuck with me through the toughest times. I also have some good friends who are willing to talk to when i'm unstable even if it might be uncomfortable for them or they have difficulty understanding whats going on with me.

These days i'm more stable than ever and now I know who doesn't give a fuck about me. I feel like i have less friends now, but i can trust the ones that are left.

Hope you're feeling good

http://www.depressiondodging.com/

My Medication Vacation is Over

I'm going back on the medication tonight. The last 2 days have been so up and down. I hung out with grandma and it was great. I felt the world so vividly when I went out in public and that was great. I felt love again and that was great. I got some great ideas for some new paintings and that was great. I never felt hungry even though I didn't eat for long periods and that was cool.

However...

I slept like a fugitive for the last 2 nights. Thoughts of every little imperfection about my life and myself have been keeping me from falling asleep, keeping from getting restful sleep, and causing me to wake up early. The lack of sleep is starting to catch up to me now.

I haven't gotten anything done. I haven't done any work because i've had so much anxiety about it. I haven't practised my music because I don't see the point. I haven't done any painting because I feel inadequate. When i take my meds i just put my head down and do what I have to do without overthinging and worrying about everything.

I've had feelings of complete worthlessness and hopelessness, which are completely paralyzing.

Bottom line...

I have shit to do and my medication helps me get things done. It was a fun little vacation, but vacations are always best in moderation anyways.

Hope you're doing well.

www.depressiondodging.com

This is What Love Feels Like

Hey everyone

Hope you're doing well

I stopped taking my medicine yesterday (why? I don't know. I guess I miss the power, energy, and joy I feel when i'm manic). I feel like an addict. Anyways, i've been having this incredible feeling of love all day. I almost wanna cry. I haven't felt this in a while because the medicine keeps me comfortably numb. I have this incredible urge to hang out with my grandmother and I will be in about an hour. She's so great and we never hang out. She's getting old and one day she'll be gone and i'll feel so sad that i never spent time with her. What's more important in life than spending time with people you love?

I know i'll crash eventually, but i hope its not today and i hope i'll be aware enough to go back on my meds before i do something self-destructive.

Wish me luck

Why is it so hard to stay on these meds?

So I stopped taking my medicine for about a month or so and it was great for about 2 weeks. I was flying. I flew high above the clouds and then I ran out of gas and crashed down to earth. It hurt. I was completely depressed and delusional. These highs that we get when he stop taking our meds are so tempting, but we always crash in the end and become self destructive. These medications make us tired and numb and no wonder we get the urge to escape and experience the mania we love.

My best results of not taking medication were when I would take it from monday to friday, then go out on Saturday (without taking it), and then start taking it again on sunday. On sunday I would usually have a really good day and it would be my reward for taking my medication all week. Although sometimes that sunday would be so good that I wouldn't want it to end. I'll think, "maybe i'm fine now."

I started taking my meds again yesterday as a little voice deep inside of me said, "Dude, this is not how you want to live your life. Take your pills now."

Will I ever learn?

Hope you're smarter than i am.

www.depressiondodging.com

A Reality Check

This is a nebula...its the most beautiful thing in the universe...except for you :)

Now to a revelation i had yesterday...

Life is short

You'll either get sick and die or get old and die

Do what you want with your life and do it now

Life is short

The people you love will either get sick and die or get old and die

Treat them well and show them you love them now

Have a nice day :)

http://www.depressiondodging.com/

Bipolar Support Groups

Hey, join this cool meetup group for mental health peer support!

We are starting to build "hubs" of peer support in other cities around the world.

http://www.meetup.com/New-Mental-Health-Movement/

After you join the meetup, email me the organizer and he will invite you to our private virtual peer support "Ning" group that you can use from the privacy of your computer.

Hope you're doing well

Depression Cures: Escaping the Daily Routine

I just got back from a clinical study I did and i was away from home for 24 days. I can't even describe how good it is to be home. I'm so happy to be back, i'm so much more thoughtful towards my family, i'm so much more appreciative of what I have. This has led me to a light bulb type insight: that it is good to get away from your daily routine and your daily relationships every so often. Who can see the same people every single day and not get sick of them? If you leave for a little while and then come back, then likely they'll be more fond of you and you more fond of them. We save money for cars and houses and big screeen TVs, but we should be saving it for vacations and trips. When you're stuck in the daily routine for too long you stop even being aware of how miserable you are. So if you can get away, do it. And if you can't yet, start saving today.

Hope you're doing well:)

http://www.depressiondodging.com/

Last Week at the Clinic

Its day 22 and i'm going home tomorrow morning. I stopped taking the medication yesterday and I am now aware that i have been a complete zombie for the last 3 weeks. I can't wait to go home, see my family, get a rock band going, and spend some of this money that i sold me body to science for. The last week went by pretty quickly as all i did was sleep all day, play some guitar in the evening, and watch basketball games at night. I can't wait to see my friends, go out, and eat some frosted mini wheats...Freedom!

Hope you're doing well

http://www.depressiondodging.com/

Week 2 at the Clinic

Its day 14 at the clinic and i'm starting to get irritable. Every day is exactly the same and seeing the same people every day all day is getting pretty annoying. I'm getting pretty sick of doing tests every day and getting poked with a needle daily. I miss my home, my food, and my family. I'm getting pretty sick of the food too. I'm also hungry a lot because we get up at 6 am and can't eat anything until noon. I'm going to grind it out for the last 9 days but it gets tougher as I go along. Its a great money-making opportunity and day dreams of what i'll be able to do with the money are what keep me going. I hate the cold weather anyways and don't really miss not being able to go outside.

Hope you're doing well

www.depressiondodging.com

Week 1 at the Clinic

This is the 7th day i've been at the clinic. We have to take the medication in the morning and it makes you sleepy so i've been sleeping about 15 hours a day. I spend the rest of my time watching TV or playing my guitar. Its pretty hard to play guitar and sing though because the medication makes me feel perma-drugged/dizzy and it makes my mouth so dry.

Every day is the same. Wake up at 6am. Do tests like blood pressure, blood test and ECG. Sleep all morning and afternoon. Do some more tests. It gets pretty boring here but i can't think of a better way to make $200 a day.

There are about 15 other people here. One guy is my age and he does art and music so we get along great. The food is pretty good too, but we're not allowed any caffeine so I haven't had a coffee in a week.

Only 18 more dys to go.

Hope you're doing well.

http://www.depressiondodging.com/

Gonna Be A Guinea Pig for 24 Days

Hey, hope you're doing well.

Sat down on the bus one day and right in front of me was an open newspaper and it read something like "are you bipolar or schizophrenic?" "I sure am", i thought. So I called them and went down there and passed all their tests and it was huge pain the rear, but now i'm ready to start tomorrow.

I'm going to be living at a clinic for 24 days, taking seroquel or quetiapine, and getting tested daily. I'm not doing this out of the kindness of my heart i'm doing this because they're paying me $5000. I've been broke for so long and would be nice to buy a new guitar and some clothes. They have internet there and i can bring my guitar so i'll pretty much be spending those 24 days doing what i do at home anyways. This is the only kind of job i'm actually qualified for...guinea pig. I'll be surrounded by other crazy people so i'm sure it'll be fun...just like summer camp...yes there will be bunk beds. Hopefully the staff won't sedate me and steal my organs while i'm sleeping. I asked my doctor if it would be safe before i signed up and she said it should be fine.

I'll let you know how it goes.

Take care

http://www.depressiondodging.com/

Happy New Year

Hey, hope you have a good year. My mama said this is the year of the creative person and I believe her. Check out some of my music at YouTube if you like:

http://www.youtube.com/user/AaLeKkSs11