I'm going back on the medication tonight. The last 2 days have been so up and down. I hung out with grandma and it was great. I felt the world so vividly when I went out in public and that was great. I felt love again and that was great. I got some great ideas for some new paintings and that was great. I never felt hungry even though I didn't eat for long periods and that was cool.
However...
I slept like a fugitive for the last 2 nights. Thoughts of every little imperfection about my life and myself have been keeping me from falling asleep, keeping from getting restful sleep, and causing me to wake up early. The lack of sleep is starting to catch up to me now.
I haven't gotten anything done. I haven't done any work because i've had so much anxiety about it. I haven't practised my music because I don't see the point. I haven't done any painting because I feel inadequate. When i take my meds i just put my head down and do what I have to do without overthinging and worrying about everything.
I've had feelings of complete worthlessness and hopelessness, which are completely paralyzing.
Bottom line...
I have shit to do and my medication helps me get things done. It was a fun little vacation, but vacations are always best in moderation anyways.
Hope you're doing well.
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