So last night I went out sober (patting myself on the back). I didn't go to the bar but i went to the pre-drink to hang out. It was kind of awkward. I forgot how uncomfortable I am in social situations when i'm sober, even around my best friends. Guess i'll just have to isolate myself and make some wicked paintings for a while. I know you're not supposed to isolate yourself when you're mentally ill, but I do see my family pretty often. Its uncomfortable with them too sometimes, but i make the effort and tough it out for them because they mean so much to me. I think i'm just meant to be a loner.
Prison shows...You know those shows on National Geographic channel where they take the cameras inside the prisons to see how life in there is really like. Well i've noticed that not only are these shows cool to watch, but they make me feel better about my life. Because no matter how worthless, hopeless, irritated I feel i still have my freedom. Those guys are locked up in there with the scum of the earth, some have life sentences. They get into fights, they get stabbed, they get raped. They spend most of their day liked in a 8x6 foot cell with nothing to do. Its so brutal. So no matter how bad I feel I know atleast i'm not in that hell hole.
Hope you're feeling well
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