Exercise and Feeling Good

Started going to the gym again yesterday and it was great. I got to experience some exercise induced hypomania after my workout too. Doctors will tend to tell you that mania/hypomania is bad and you better take your medicine to keep it in check, but I think its good to feel some mania/hypomania sometimes. Its nice to know I can experience a nice high while i'm on my medication. I felt really powerful after my workout, however I did have problems sleeping as i couldn't seem to wind down at the end of the night. I'm not feeling too powerful today though as I am very sore in my upper body, but thats what happens when you're in terrible shape. Gotta look good for the summer, right?

Hope you're feeling well

http://www.depressiondodging.com/

Get A 2nd Opinion for Mood Disorders

Many people with mood disorders don't get a 2nd opinion when it comes to their diagnosis. Bipolar disorder and depession are difficult to diagnose and often difficult to tell apart. Bipolar disorder can be difficult to diagnose because patients are often highly functional and producitve and their highs can look like normal happiness. We often assume that the 1st doctor to diagnose us is correct and that doctors don't make mistakes.

Research has found that as many as 69% of initial diagnoses of people with bipolar disorder were incorrect. This can lead to bipolar patients getting the wrong medication, which can lead to deeper depressions and rapid cycles of highs and lows.

A lot of people also make the mistake of seeing a general practitioner when they should be seeing a psychiatrist for diagnosis and treatment. In my experience, GPs just don't know that much about mental illness. I had to see about 3 or 4 doctors before I got the correct diagnosis and correct medication. Only then did i start my recovery.

You can read the original article here:

http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/218993.php

Hope You're feeling well

http://www.depressiondodging.com/

Half of Bipolar Patients Suffer Work, Social, or Family Disabilities

A study was done at the University of Granada on 108 patients with bipolar disorder. The study found that 50% of patients suffer from some type of work, social, or family disability and 20% of them suffer from disability in all 3.

Difficulty in performing normal job duties is associated with recurring manic episodes, hospitalization for high-intensity episodes, depression and low education levels. Also, nicotine dependancy tends to be more disabling to patients with bipolar disorder than patients with depression.

Social disability is difficulty establishing relations out of the family and this is associated with higher hospitalization rates, episodes of depression and active depression symptoms. Its important for these patients to recieve social support.

Family disability is difficulty in having good relations with family members and its associated with hospitalization, manic episodes, depression symptoms and addiction to alcohol. Alcohol is the most abused substance in bipolar patients and its important that alcohol abuse be treated in order to improve family relations.

Personally, I think I have work and social disabilities. I'm lucky enough to have a a very supportive/understanding family but I get stressed out easily with work and often have high anxiety in/about social situations. Its important that we seek help from the government if we can't make an income on our own. Its important that we find support groups and attend them if we have problems meeting new people and maintaining relationships. Its important that we treat our substance abuse so that we can get along with those who love us and support us most.

You can see the orignal article here:

http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/221403.php

Hope you're feeling well

http://www.depressiondodging.com/

Catherine Zeta-Jones Treated for Bipolar 2 Disorder

Super hot babe and famous hollywood actress Catherine-Zerta Jones was hospitalized for a couple days and recieved treatment for bipolar 2 disorder. It is believed that her disorder was caused by the stress and trauma of dealing with her husband's (Michael Douglas) illness (throat cancer). Bipolar disorder can sometimes be causes by a traumatic event.

This totally makes sense. I'm pretty sure that my bipolar disorder was caused by traumatic events. At the end of the summer in 2008 I had 3 traumatic things happen to me at once. What they were i don't want to say. Before that I was normal, care-free and kind of an asshole. Though dealing with the illness has been very difficult I think i'm a better person now.

www.depressiondodging.com

A New Study on Bipolar Disorder

A new study on bipolar disorder done by psychologists at the Universities of Manchester and Lancaster followed 50 bipolar patients for a month. The study found that the patients' thinking and behavior predicted future mood swings. People with bipolar disorder who think they have no control over their mood or think they have to keep active to stay stable had more mood problems compared to other patients who let their moods pass as a normal reaction to stress and felt like they had control over their mood. A new form of cognitive behavioral therapy, known as TEAMS (Think Effectively About Mood Swings) is being developed at the University of Manchester. The aim of the new approach is to encourage patients to accept and manage a range of emotions like joy, anger, and fear.

This means that, despite our chemical imbalance, what we think and how we act affects our mood. So we can choose to have a positive attitude and do things that are constructive (like exercise, do art, socialize, volunteer, take our medication, etc) instead of destructive (like drink, do drugs, spend all our money, etc).

You can read the original article here:

http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/222793.php

http://www.depressiondodging.com/

Mature or Manic?

This week i have just been getting this incredible urge to stop doing what i've been doing for the past year (music, painting) and just focus on helping people with depression and bipolar disorder. I can always do those things in my spare time right? I've been trying to be a rock star and an artist, but I think i'd rather just do something more useful with my life like help people that suffer. I'm not sure whether i'm just becoming more mature or whether this sudden influx of ideas and impulse for change is me being manic. Does it really matter though? I'm gonna do it anyways.

I've been looking for places to volunteer and i'm going to start tonight with a buddy of mine who has started a group for people with mental illness where we can help eachother. I've been looking for someone to make videos with for the site and I think i've found someone. Videos will allow me to reach more people with my message. I've also found a girl who wants to help people raise their self esteem and we might do something together. Self esteem is so important for quality of life. You can't hate yourself and be happy. I think that part of the reason i've has such a strong urge for change lately is that I don't feel satisfied just doing painting and music. I need to do something more important with my life to feel good about myself. I'm also thinking about going back to school for social work. There is only so much you can do without an education.

I really look forwrd to making some videos. I've been wanting to for so long, but i just haven't had anyone to help me. Should be fun and hilarious.

Hope you're feeling well

http://www.depressiondodging.com/

Treatment for Bipoler Disorder: A Glass of Wine

I went into a rage today because my mother accidentally ruined one of my paintings. So I decided to have a glass of red wine so that i could relax and think about the situation clearly. I started drinking a glass of one this week in order to relax after work, because work is often frustrating anf makes me edgy. After I had my wine i wasn't even mad at all. I went to the store to get some paint and i felt so calm and confident. I wasn't angry and i didn't have the anxiety that i often have when being around other people. My tolernace for alcohol is pretty high so i don't think I was drunk. It just seems like it relaxes my brain enough for me to think logically about a situation. When i think about the situation now:

1. Its just a painting and i could easily make another one.

2. That painting wasn't that great and i wouldn't mind doing it over.

3. My mother has done so much for me in my life and accidents happen.

So if if you're having problems with irritablity and/or anxiety try having a glass of wine. I don't think there is anything wrong with having one glass of wine a day. Actually, i think its good for your heart.

Hope you're feeling swell

http://www.depressiondodging.com/

Beating Depression: Prison Shows

So last night I went out sober (patting myself on the back). I didn't go to the bar but i went to the pre-drink to hang out. It was kind of awkward. I forgot how uncomfortable I am in social situations when i'm sober, even around my best friends. Guess i'll just have to isolate myself and make some wicked paintings for a while. I know you're not supposed to isolate yourself when you're mentally ill, but I do see my family pretty often. Its uncomfortable with them too sometimes, but i make the effort and tough it out for them because they mean so much to me. I think i'm just meant to be a loner.

Prison shows...You know those shows on National Geographic channel where they take the cameras inside the prisons to see how life in there is really like. Well i've noticed that not only are these shows cool to watch, but they make me feel better about my life. Because no matter how worthless, hopeless, irritated I feel i still have my freedom. Those guys are locked up in there with the scum of the earth, some have life sentences. They get into fights, they get stabbed, they get raped. They spend most of their day liked in a 8x6 foot cell with nothing to do. Its so brutal. So no matter how bad I feel I know atleast i'm not in that hell hole.

Hope you're feeling well

http://www.depressiondodging.com/

Wounds Teach us Lessons

A wise man once said that

Well, i'm learning my lesson now. This is my 3rd day in a row being punished. I'm being punished for being a dumbass and i will continue to be punished as such until i stop doing the same stupid thing over and over. I can't just go out and party like a normal person. They don't have to crash and be miserable like i do after. I'm turning 27 this year and i'm still running around getting shit-faced and getting into fights. I can't just keep acting like a little boy anymore and expect my life to get better.

You know when you just wake up in the morning and everything sucks? Well thats whats been going on in my world these past few days and I deserve it. When you're bipolar you can make the mistake of thinking that you have no self-control and that isn't true. We might have less self-control than an emotionally healthy person, but it doesn't mean we don't have any. A lot of the time its our own self-destructive decisions that get us into deep shit. Are we smart enough to make good decisions? Fuck ya!

So next time something painful happens to you, don't just feel sorry for yourself, but try to learn from your mistake so that it doesn't happen again.

Hope you (and I) wake up tomorrow and everything is spectacular:)

http://www.depressiondodging.com/

Can I Stop Drinking?

The green fairy and I are breaking up for good this time

So I spent all of today suffering pretty bad. I went out drinking last night, got in a fight, yacked on my floor...same old bullshit. Didn't take my medicine last night and spent today feeling ashamed of myself and depressed. Spent a lot of today in the fetal position hating myself and feeling so dumb. This has actually been happening a lot recently after a night on the town. Whatever benefits or freedom I got from drinking or drugs before are now nonexistent. Drinking just makes me more anxious, self-conscious and depressed. I'm pretty sick of making an ass of myself. I don't even know why I keep doing it. Its like this compulsive thing that i keep doing even though i know better and even though i have to suffer every time for it. I really wanna stop now. I'm hoping that telling you will help motivate me. I do get edgy sometimes because of work, but 1 glass of wine is enough to help me chill out. Also, I wouldn't mind saving that $75-100 I usually spend on a night out and spending it on something more enjoyable like painting supplies or a day at Canada's Wonderland.

Hope you're doing well and learning from your mistakes

http://www.depressiondodging.com/

Adversity Is A Good Opportunity To Find Out Who Your True Friends Are

In our case, bipolar disorder is the adversity.

In the last couple of years that i've been diagnosed with the disorder i've had a lot of lows. Some of my friends were there for me when i needed there help and some just avoided me. Though the last couple of years have been tough and confusing I have found out who my true friends are. Number 1 on the list is my family. I spent my teenage years trying to separate myself from them, but now i'm trying to bring myself closer. I have learned that nobody loves me more than them and they stuck with me through the toughest times. I also have some good friends who are willing to talk to when i'm unstable even if it might be uncomfortable for them or they have difficulty understanding whats going on with me.

These days i'm more stable than ever and now I know who doesn't give a fuck about me. I feel like i have less friends now, but i can trust the ones that are left.

Hope you're feeling good

http://www.depressiondodging.com/

My Medication Vacation is Over

I'm going back on the medication tonight. The last 2 days have been so up and down. I hung out with grandma and it was great. I felt the world so vividly when I went out in public and that was great. I felt love again and that was great. I got some great ideas for some new paintings and that was great. I never felt hungry even though I didn't eat for long periods and that was cool.

However...

I slept like a fugitive for the last 2 nights. Thoughts of every little imperfection about my life and myself have been keeping me from falling asleep, keeping from getting restful sleep, and causing me to wake up early. The lack of sleep is starting to catch up to me now.

I haven't gotten anything done. I haven't done any work because i've had so much anxiety about it. I haven't practised my music because I don't see the point. I haven't done any painting because I feel inadequate. When i take my meds i just put my head down and do what I have to do without overthinging and worrying about everything.

I've had feelings of complete worthlessness and hopelessness, which are completely paralyzing.

Bottom line...

I have shit to do and my medication helps me get things done. It was a fun little vacation, but vacations are always best in moderation anyways.

Hope you're doing well.

www.depressiondodging.com

This is What Love Feels Like

Hey everyone

Hope you're doing well

I stopped taking my medicine yesterday (why? I don't know. I guess I miss the power, energy, and joy I feel when i'm manic). I feel like an addict. Anyways, i've been having this incredible feeling of love all day. I almost wanna cry. I haven't felt this in a while because the medicine keeps me comfortably numb. I have this incredible urge to hang out with my grandmother and I will be in about an hour. She's so great and we never hang out. She's getting old and one day she'll be gone and i'll feel so sad that i never spent time with her. What's more important in life than spending time with people you love?

I know i'll crash eventually, but i hope its not today and i hope i'll be aware enough to go back on my meds before i do something self-destructive.

Wish me luck