Friday, June 18, 2010

My Shit "Vacation" To Ukraine




It took forever to get there. 9 hours flight, 9 hours bus, and hours of waiting inbetween.


My bag goes missing at the airport. My medication is in it. Panicking....Also, my camera was in it so i have no pictures.


After day 1 reality sets in...OMG I am in fucking Bratislava (Eurotrip) for 3 weeks without my meds. I was in a small town called Chernovtisi, which is basically a carbon copy of Bratislava.


It rained every day for the first 2 weeks. All my relativers were busy so I was sitting at home a lot lonely and depressed. Music videos on Youtube and the ocassional outing with my cousin were the only things keeping me sane.


Finally, after 2 weeks the weather drastically changed to very hot and sunny. My cousin had the week off work and spent a lot of time with me. I got used to sleeping and controlling my mood without my medication.


A couple days before i left i got some sickness. I woke up in the middle of the night with a brutal pain in my side arounbd my ribs. I was thought i was dying. My aunt had this little machine that sends an electric current through the affected area and that helped the pain subside so i could go back to sleep. I wake up in the same brutal pain a couple of hours later. It feels like someone is stabbing me in my ribs every time I inhale. "I have to go to the hospital!". Apparently that isn't that easy in a small Ukrainian town at 7 in the morning. They call a doctor to come to the house. She says i'm hurting because I caught a cold breeze somewhere. She gives me some needle in the ass, tells me its going to hurt bad and for a long time, and that all I can do is lay down and wait for it to go away. Gee thanks.


The pain went away and came back several times as my grandmother rubbed me with all kinds of shit, like honey, menthal, alcohol, to get me buy. I didn't sleep the night before we were suppossed to leave because I couldn't find a position to lie down in that wasn't excruciating. We get into a cab and go to the airpaort, which is about an hour away. About halfway in my side begins to hurt really bad. I make it to the airport and can barely breath. I'm walking around holding my ribs like somebody shot me. Luckily some people help me by taking me to the doctor there. She gave me a needle in the ass and some medication. She was shocked that the doctor i saw a couple days ago didn't giveme any medication. They didn't want to let me on the plane because it looked like i was dying, but the pain subsided after about 20 minutes and we got on the plane.


I went to the emergency room in Toronto as soon as we got back...Pneumonia. Thank you Jesus for not letting me die in that shit town.


There were some positives from the vacation. I stopped taking my medication and I feel good without it. It made me so antisocial and i don't want to just sit at home all the time. I appreciate Canada so much more now. This is such a good place to live. I got to spend a lot of time with my cousin who i get along with better than anyone. Oh, and they have 24-hour liquor stores.


Its so good to be home

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Boredom and Depression




I find that I get depressed when i'm bored and I get bored easily. I think everyone should have an acitivity in their life that is exciting. So far the only thin i've found that never gets boring is poker. It can be difficult when you're losing, but its never boring. I know that I can sit down and play some poker, and while i'm doing it I will not be thinking about any of my problems.


You can play for no money at a lot of websites, but I think its a little more interesting with a bit of money involved. Ideally, you would get a friendly poker game together with some friends and socialize a bit too.


Warning: poker is not for everybody. If you notice that it makes you depressed or angry, you should find something else to do.


If you have found activities that cure your boredom, i'd love to hear about them. Post a comment.


Friday, May 14, 2010

Drinking, Drugs and Meds don't Mix




Next time you get the urge to get drunk, do extacy, and smoke weed while being on psychiatric medication, don't. It'll just make you more depressed in the long run. Its good to see your friends, but you can't everything that they do when you're being treated for a mood disorder.


That cat is fiending for drugs. Its not as cute when humans are fiending for drugs.
You can find hilarious photos and videos here:

Sunday, May 9, 2010

I'm A Lucky Guy




I was suicidal yesterday and I had 2 choices: 1) Go to the hospital 2) or do drugs and go out with my friends. I went with number 2 and it was just what I needed.


All my friends know that i'm bipolar now and they are so supportive. I had a number of people come up to me last night and tell me that I can call them if i'm ever not feeling well. The other day i was thinking about how I had nobody to call if i felt down and i was so wrong. I'm so lucky to have my friends.
If you guys ever need someone to talk to you can message me on Facebook. Or try telling your friends. They may be more understanding than you expect.

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Insomnia tips




In used to take a medication that helped me fall asleep, but I have recently switched medications. So the first night without the medication I couldn't fall asleep for hours. I was anxious, my heart was beating fast, and I was constantly shifting positions. The 2nd night I tried deep breathing. Deep breathing is just breathing in slowly as deep as you can and then exhaling slowly. I used to do yoga and I remembered how the deep breathing we did there relaxed me and made me sleepy. It was annoying at first to have to concentrate on my breathing while trying to sleep, but I kept at it and it helped me fall asleep a lot sooner. It relaxes your body, you get more comfortable and less fidgety, and then your mind relaxes as well and gets ready to sleep. Give it a shot if you're having problems falling asleep.




Sunday, May 2, 2010

How to Deal with Depression and Get the Most out of Your Day


I used to play poker for a living and I noticed that when I got focused before I played on what I wanted to do, I did well. So I thought “why not do this every day in life so that I can have more good days?”. It really helps to wake my mind up in the morning and get me focused on what I want to with my day, how I want to treat other people, and how I can deal with my illness.

Getting focused before you start your day can really remind you how to deal with depression and bipolar disorder, and help you get the most out of your day, everyday. Just ask yourself these questions to get your mind ready to have a great day.

What’s important to me?

- The things that are important to you are your values. Your values give you a direction to go in, in life. It is important to remind yourself of your values so that you don’t get off track. You want to spend your life doing things that are important to you.

What do I want to be remembered for when I’m dead?

- This is the legacy you want to leave. These are the actions you want to take. This is the way you want to behave. You want your family, friends, and other people you meet to say good things about you when you die. You want to be remembered as a fighter, not a quitter.

What makes me feel good?

- Everyone is different and it is important to know what makes you feel good so that you can do it as often as possible. You should do something every day that brings you joy and satisfaction.

You can read the rest of this article here:

http://www.depressiondodging.com/howtodealwithdepression.html